Dealing with Senior Adults is Stressful

Aging is a normal part of life, but it doesn’t make it any less difficult, especially when it’s your loved one or parent. How strange is it that we find our roles reversed, you go from child to caregiver and/or decision-maker in the blink of an eye. Not only are you and your family dealing with the emotions of this shift, but you’re also faced with the responsibility of ensuring that your loved one or parent gets the best care. You want to do the right thing for them, but what exactly is that and how do you do that? Here comes the stress.

Key Stressors

Honoring Their Wishes

Even though 90% of Americans believe it is important to discuss their care wishes, only 32% have had these conversations (1). If your loved one or parent can no longer share their wishes, it’s distressing and makes decisions more complicated. Some advice: be sure to have these important conversations about your future sooner rather than later.

Fear of Making a Mistake

From identifying options to researching them to choosing the best one, there are just so many opportunities for error! Is this what my loved one or parent would truly want? Sometimes it comes down to making the best-informed decision you can. Paralysis by Analysis (when a decision is unable to be made due to overthinking) happens far too often, and the result is that your senior doesn’t get the care they need or get it soon enough to be as beneficial as it could be.

Guilt

“Guilt is a part of caregiving, particularly when you have to make a decision that you know is against the wishes of your loved one.”(2). All that is expected is to do your best with what you have. And, we simply cannot do it all. You will feel overly responsible and helpless at the same time, expect it. Despite our best intentions and efforts, feeling guilty is part of the process of making decisions for an aging loved one.

But the guilt that most of us feel is unfair. Sometimes doing what’s best for a loved one means that the responsibilities and decisions we’re faced with are not what anyone would have wanted. There can be countless other emotions involved with transitioning a loved one into a care community, including worry, anger, anxiety, and resentment.

Here are some professional (2) suggestions for emotionally processing these decisions, acknowledging that you feel guilty and accept that feeling guilt is a normal part of caregiving.

• Recognize that you are only human and not a superhero who’s capable of doing everything.
• Avoid making promises to your loved one that you aren’t practical or possible.
• Be kind to yourself and take care of your own
• Talk to friends and family and write down any thoughts or
• Practice having a conversation with your loved one as if they’re in front of Tell them that you’re struggling with guilt, then imagine what they would say in response. The majority of our loved ones do not want us to be in pain or distress.
• If you cannot reconcile with your guilt, seek out a mental health
• Above all, forgive You are doing your best.

Figuring Out Finances

Financial decisions of this magnitude are stressful in any situation, but when looking at senior care, it is multiplied by the confusion around pricing for different levels of care, payment structures, add-on services, and what options, if any, can help offset the cost. On top of that, so many families have to chase down assets, life insurance, and/or long-term care policies, debts, and determine what to do with the house and the stuff; it’s overwhelming. We’ve been there ourselves. Have these details organized for your seniors.

The harsh reality is this:
Senior residents spend an average of 28 months in an assisted living facility (the median is 21 months) (3). The reason we share this with you is that you may be stressed and think that you have to pay for care for 10 years. But depending on where you are in your family’s journey, this is statistically unlikely if your loved one is moving to assisted living. You very likely are planning to pay for 2-3 years. Think about this as you plan and select the care community.

Common Aging Fears

Remember that your loved one or parent is likely struggling with this transition too.

Common fears for seniors include:

• Loss of independence
• Loss of mental acuity
• Declining health
• Running out of money
• Needing to leave their home
• Losing loved ones
• Becoming dependent on others
• Not being able to drive
• Social isolation and loneliness
• Falling or becoming incapacitated

By understanding their fears and showing empathy, your loved one will be comforted in knowing that you’re on their side. Listen to them, and make sure you also involve them as much as possible by asking how you can help instead of making decisions for them.

If the Stress Becomes Too Much

While stress during this time is normal if it gets in the way of your daily activities for several days in a row, you should:

• take a break
• maintain your family and social life
• be sure you are eating properly
• keep your doctor appointments

Remember, it’s okay to be stressed! These feelings are real, valid, and common. Allow yourself time to process and grieve the change, but at the same time take heart that you’re doing your best. That’s all anyone can ask. Many of us have been through this. You are not alone.

In terms of the real estate side of this process, this is where a Certified Senior Real Estate Transition Specialist, like Ohana Legacy Properties, can assist and we’ve done this for many clients.

Our mission is to give families more time with their loved ones by alleviating the stress when a senior adult transition into long-term care by simplifying the real estate side for you and them and recognizing that the senior’s homes carry a rich history full of memories of the lives they have lived there.

People have said that we are the “Easy Button”. Ohana Legacy Properties offers a simple, straightforward solution that doesn’t involve any renovating, staging, showings, or no agent fees. In fact, there are no fees for our service at all, for the family, for you, or the senior living community! You and your family can get mom or dad the care they need much sooner.

Quickly, efficiently, and compassionately, we will present you with a fair and firm offer, buy it in as-is condition, take care of major repairs, or renovations, do the clean-up, donating leftover items to local charities.

We will present you with a quick, streamlined closing process of days instead of months, and……. there are no realtor fees or closing fees for our service, that money stays with your parents.

By quickly selling homes as-is, families can close within days instead of months and get mom or dad the care they need now.

So, 3 simple steps:

But please, don’t believe us…. That’s right. Get on this website and see the reviews of what our clients say about us.

How we do one thing is how we do everything, the Ohana way. Treating you like family.

1. The Conversation Project’s 2018 National Survey
2. Marilyn A Mendoza, D., a clinical instructor in the psychiatry department at Tulane University Medical Center and a psychologist specializing in bereavement.
3. 2009 report prepared by the American Health Care Association and the National Center for Assisted Living.

This article is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to act as medical, legal, or financial advice.

Be sure to consult with a physician, a licensed probate attorney, and a CPA.